Wow. Thanks for the in depth response! Really appreciate it.
Reading some of those stories is slightly disheartening. The world is such a fucked up place and hard to make sense of when you’re growing up without people discriminating against you for something you have no control over. It makes me incredibly angry that people behave on that sort of way. Really thought we had turned a corner after the whole "all muslims are terrorists’ bollocks of the 2000s as well. I have seen videos of what it was like in the 1980s and 90s and it was horrific. Surely we would never return to that. Surely.
It was interesting reading that there seems to be some different versions of the same discriminatory behaviour even within your community as well as being victims of it. It’s baffling to be honest. I know it’s not as simple as “lets all hug it out” but surely those that seek tolerance should also be practicing it. I’m guessing there’s a lot of cultural history related to it that I’m not currently aware of. Still, it’s interesting.
It sounds like your experiences, whilst you wouldn’t wish them of anyone, have given you a preparedness for when people say and do stup
pidly intolerant things. I guess it helps build character in a morbid way. You handled it well.
London is something I’m thankful for in terms of the cultural diversity. I’m in Surrey just outside of it so it’s much quieter but also much less diverse. Everyone is very well behaved and tolerant where I live but perhaps because there’s very little to tolerate. There are big Muslim communities in Surrey though and they seem to thrive but there’s not much reason to visit unless you practice Islam. I do go to London and enjoy a few things though and it’s great to see all different types of people getting along.
Are you aware of the narrative that right wing influencers are trying to peddle at the moment in terms of London being a crime ridden hellscape? It’s laughable. Completely shows they need that sense of fear and division in people to make their messaging effective. I’m guessing where are in there is nothing of the sort! Hopefully aha.
Can I ask, why do you think you experience sexism more than any other form of discrimination these days then? Do you think it’s due to the whole “manosphere” Andrew Tate rubbish or just a failure of some to change their entrenched views of the other sex? Or both?
America is hopefully a unique case on my view. I think we can make it easier on ourselves jere and in the EU by punishing social media companies and persecuting hate speech. That is impossible in the US due to Freedom of Speech laws so people can spread whatever lies they want. Particularly billionaires. They can also pay as much as they want to influence elections. Again, they can’t here. Our system is a bit more robust. It’s not infallible, I just hope it will stand up better than the US to the tidal wave of right wing propaganda.
Well done for persevering with the autism too. Sounds tough. It’s hard to say as I don’t know you personally but you seem like someone who has their shit together so good on you.
Oh I’m a hot mess right now and only my remarkable ability to block things out is keeping my head above water. I can’t even get past the anxiety and move out.
The sexism is purely since I started working in the bike industry. Once it was me and my male supervisor behind the counter. I was literally building a bike and a customer came to the counter asking if someone can advise her. The supervisor was busy with admin, so I got up and said I can. And she said, I mean I need someone who knows about bikes.
I was literally building a bike!
But usually I get this crap from men. Usually in the form of asking if there are any men around or just immediately assuming I know nothing because I’m a woman, even though I’m more highly trained than many of my colleagues.
Oh man. I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like you’re having a tough time. Far be it from me to ask, so don’t feel as though you need to, but are you getting any professional help? It has been enormously beneficial to me in the past and I highly recommend it. I’ve had a rough year myself as my baby daughter sadly passed away. At times it doesn’t feel like there is much left to life other than your current state of mind but if you can assure yourself that’s not the case and that things will gradually get better then they will. I wish you luck in your struggle.
That story about the sexism sounds like the result of entrenched views on masculinity and ignorance. Absolutely daft. Hopefully you taught her a lesson that day. I find younger people generally more understanding of the equality between genders (excluding all the manosphere bollocks). I’m positive it will keep improving as it has done steadily over the years, though more acceptance would be better!
Thank you for the blog. I’ll try and make sense of it aha. I’ll read the Nitter post too when I’m ready. Have you ever watched Adam Curtis documentaries? He’s incredible. There was a clip where some Asian shop owners in the 80s were beong harassed by drunk Englishmen in a really racially abusive manner. It made me realise that whilst we have a long way to go the current attitudes are also quite a distance from where they used to be.
Side note: Do you partake in any form of political activism? As a not very young but not very old person I’m sort of stuck looking for ways to make a difference in the community and have some kind of impact on change, even if it’s small. You seem like someone who would possibly have ideas about all that. I could be wrong!
I’m so sorry you lost your daughter. That’s such a painful thing to endure, I hope you and your loved ones are able to find peace and healing.
I did try CBT and it was awful. I have another thread on my old mastodon account, but the tldr is she said she’s going to assume I’m not autistic since I’m still waiting for my referral, that all my mental health issues (anxiety, codependency, small d depression) is just low self esteem. She actually said “I don’t know anything about autism and I’m not here for that”. She didn’t listen to me, kept insisting that my autistic communication difficulties (eg scripting, rehearsing) was “overthinking”, and when she asked if my relationship with her was good, I said neutral (which was me people pleasing) and she got upset. I discharged myself after about 6 months.
Later, as I was watching a video about CPTSD (as part of my codependency with my ex, he has CPTSD, I struggle to get over that need to help) there was one part where the doctor was talking about emotional flashbacks, there was one bit that made me double take, because it was exactly what I experience. and I checked my therapy notebook and what I wrote so clearly matched emotional flashbacks, and yet that therapist was so cluless, she didn’t even recognise it and said it was low self esteem. In her mind you can cure everything with mindfulness.
The funny thing is, my blood test phobia therapist knew loads about neurodivergence and even made it my homework to contact the local autism service and speak to my GP about a referral. Cbt worked well for me for my phobia, because it was an irrational fear. And that therapist was really good. Whereas for my anxiety, the “evidence for” in every case was “previous experience”. I did write a complaint in the feedback for the anxiety therapist, but I got no reply.
I haven’t given up on getting help, but cbt isn’t suitable for my type of anxiety (unfamiliar or unpredictable things create a mental block that stops me. It’s partly having to do on the fly processing, which overloads me and makes me shut down or default to scripts, I need to be alone to process anything. It’s better described as dread than anxiety. it’s common with autism, other autistics have said cbt didn’t work for them either). But I’m kind of stuck in limbo until I can get past the fear and get my own place. It’s amazing just how little help is available for my kind of difficulties. Also I can go from “I can do this” one day to “I can’t do anything” the next. My mum passed away last year, a month after I went no contact with my toxic ex, and since then, I’m struggling to find any motivation. I’m at a kind of maintenance level misery, bad enough that I want out, but not bad enough to find the energy to do it.
In terms of activism, it’s again the mental block caused by the unknown. If I knew someone else doing it, I would join. I’d love to get back into conservation work (I helped with some wildlife projects in my local park).
Wow. Thanks for the in depth response! Really appreciate it.
Reading some of those stories is slightly disheartening. The world is such a fucked up place and hard to make sense of when you’re growing up without people discriminating against you for something you have no control over. It makes me incredibly angry that people behave on that sort of way. Really thought we had turned a corner after the whole "all muslims are terrorists’ bollocks of the 2000s as well. I have seen videos of what it was like in the 1980s and 90s and it was horrific. Surely we would never return to that. Surely.
It was interesting reading that there seems to be some different versions of the same discriminatory behaviour even within your community as well as being victims of it. It’s baffling to be honest. I know it’s not as simple as “lets all hug it out” but surely those that seek tolerance should also be practicing it. I’m guessing there’s a lot of cultural history related to it that I’m not currently aware of. Still, it’s interesting.
It sounds like your experiences, whilst you wouldn’t wish them of anyone, have given you a preparedness for when people say and do stup pidly intolerant things. I guess it helps build character in a morbid way. You handled it well.
London is something I’m thankful for in terms of the cultural diversity. I’m in Surrey just outside of it so it’s much quieter but also much less diverse. Everyone is very well behaved and tolerant where I live but perhaps because there’s very little to tolerate. There are big Muslim communities in Surrey though and they seem to thrive but there’s not much reason to visit unless you practice Islam. I do go to London and enjoy a few things though and it’s great to see all different types of people getting along.
Are you aware of the narrative that right wing influencers are trying to peddle at the moment in terms of London being a crime ridden hellscape? It’s laughable. Completely shows they need that sense of fear and division in people to make their messaging effective. I’m guessing where are in there is nothing of the sort! Hopefully aha.
Can I ask, why do you think you experience sexism more than any other form of discrimination these days then? Do you think it’s due to the whole “manosphere” Andrew Tate rubbish or just a failure of some to change their entrenched views of the other sex? Or both?
America is hopefully a unique case on my view. I think we can make it easier on ourselves jere and in the EU by punishing social media companies and persecuting hate speech. That is impossible in the US due to Freedom of Speech laws so people can spread whatever lies they want. Particularly billionaires. They can also pay as much as they want to influence elections. Again, they can’t here. Our system is a bit more robust. It’s not infallible, I just hope it will stand up better than the US to the tidal wave of right wing propaganda.
Well done for persevering with the autism too. Sounds tough. It’s hard to say as I don’t know you personally but you seem like someone who has their shit together so good on you.
Enjoy the essay back.
Oh I’m a hot mess right now and only my remarkable ability to block things out is keeping my head above water. I can’t even get past the anxiety and move out.
The sexism is purely since I started working in the bike industry. Once it was me and my male supervisor behind the counter. I was literally building a bike and a customer came to the counter asking if someone can advise her. The supervisor was busy with admin, so I got up and said I can. And she said, I mean I need someone who knows about bikes.
I was literally building a bike!
But usually I get this crap from men. Usually in the form of asking if there are any men around or just immediately assuming I know nothing because I’m a woman, even though I’m more highly trained than many of my colleagues.
Here’s my mastodon thread
https://autistics.life/@SilverArrows/114211836159611397
I don’t think nitter works anymore, but here’s my uncle’s experience growing up Indian in the UK. Warning, very racist language and traumatic experiences. Edit: nitter still works!
https://nitter.net/HovellingHermit/status/1270701202188222465#m
Oh man. I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like you’re having a tough time. Far be it from me to ask, so don’t feel as though you need to, but are you getting any professional help? It has been enormously beneficial to me in the past and I highly recommend it. I’ve had a rough year myself as my baby daughter sadly passed away. At times it doesn’t feel like there is much left to life other than your current state of mind but if you can assure yourself that’s not the case and that things will gradually get better then they will. I wish you luck in your struggle.
That story about the sexism sounds like the result of entrenched views on masculinity and ignorance. Absolutely daft. Hopefully you taught her a lesson that day. I find younger people generally more understanding of the equality between genders (excluding all the manosphere bollocks). I’m positive it will keep improving as it has done steadily over the years, though more acceptance would be better!
Thank you for the blog. I’ll try and make sense of it aha. I’ll read the Nitter post too when I’m ready. Have you ever watched Adam Curtis documentaries? He’s incredible. There was a clip where some Asian shop owners in the 80s were beong harassed by drunk Englishmen in a really racially abusive manner. It made me realise that whilst we have a long way to go the current attitudes are also quite a distance from where they used to be.
Side note: Do you partake in any form of political activism? As a not very young but not very old person I’m sort of stuck looking for ways to make a difference in the community and have some kind of impact on change, even if it’s small. You seem like someone who would possibly have ideas about all that. I could be wrong!
I’m so sorry you lost your daughter. That’s such a painful thing to endure, I hope you and your loved ones are able to find peace and healing.
I did try CBT and it was awful. I have another thread on my old mastodon account, but the tldr is she said she’s going to assume I’m not autistic since I’m still waiting for my referral, that all my mental health issues (anxiety, codependency, small d depression) is just low self esteem. She actually said “I don’t know anything about autism and I’m not here for that”. She didn’t listen to me, kept insisting that my autistic communication difficulties (eg scripting, rehearsing) was “overthinking”, and when she asked if my relationship with her was good, I said neutral (which was me people pleasing) and she got upset. I discharged myself after about 6 months.
Later, as I was watching a video about CPTSD (as part of my codependency with my ex, he has CPTSD, I struggle to get over that need to help) there was one part where the doctor was talking about emotional flashbacks, there was one bit that made me double take, because it was exactly what I experience. and I checked my therapy notebook and what I wrote so clearly matched emotional flashbacks, and yet that therapist was so cluless, she didn’t even recognise it and said it was low self esteem. In her mind you can cure everything with mindfulness.
The funny thing is, my blood test phobia therapist knew loads about neurodivergence and even made it my homework to contact the local autism service and speak to my GP about a referral. Cbt worked well for me for my phobia, because it was an irrational fear. And that therapist was really good. Whereas for my anxiety, the “evidence for” in every case was “previous experience”. I did write a complaint in the feedback for the anxiety therapist, but I got no reply.
I haven’t given up on getting help, but cbt isn’t suitable for my type of anxiety (unfamiliar or unpredictable things create a mental block that stops me. It’s partly having to do on the fly processing, which overloads me and makes me shut down or default to scripts, I need to be alone to process anything. It’s better described as dread than anxiety. it’s common with autism, other autistics have said cbt didn’t work for them either). But I’m kind of stuck in limbo until I can get past the fear and get my own place. It’s amazing just how little help is available for my kind of difficulties. Also I can go from “I can do this” one day to “I can’t do anything” the next. My mum passed away last year, a month after I went no contact with my toxic ex, and since then, I’m struggling to find any motivation. I’m at a kind of maintenance level misery, bad enough that I want out, but not bad enough to find the energy to do it.
Edit, found the thread
https://mastodon.social/@SilverArrows/113754157921999553
In terms of activism, it’s again the mental block caused by the unknown. If I knew someone else doing it, I would join. I’d love to get back into conservation work (I helped with some wildlife projects in my local park).