I think someone needed his diaper changed, if only for this one line:

“I wanted to be a good boy,” Trump said, describing his relative restraint in issuing tariffs under the International Emergency Economic Powers Act. Trump said that tariffs under section 232 of the Trade Expansion Act of 1962 and section 301 of the Trade Act of 1974 will remain “in place and in full force and effect”.

Being a “good boy” for your polycule is your business. At no point should it involve tariffs.