Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, Hello World.

In high school, we used to play a game colloquially called Spoons/Assassins/Spoon Assassin/Marker tag. Long story short, everyone playing gets assigned another player as a target. You tag your target on the back of the neck with a spoon or marker to “kill” them + take over their assignment. Rinse and repeat until only the winner is standing.

Major catch here is that for the game to work properly, the targets have to be chained in a loop, so there usually has to be a trusted individual running the game who can validate the assignment list.

So I scraped the online school directory to pull names, emails, and school photos of everyone. Then I built a Java Swing app to track a list of who was playing, and the app would shuffle a random list and email everyone their assignments blindly, photos included. Flash forward a few months, and eventually we had a full roster of ~80 people playing across grades, which was ~10% of the student body.

Unfortunately, a group of freshmen started their own take on the game, which devolved into mauling one another with Crayola markers and Sharpies. The principal catches word that I’ve been running a ring, and brings me into his office to tell me to shut it down.

Uncharacteristically for my teenage years, I went all-in on diplomacy. I plead my case, tell him I’m not involved with the freshmen, hear out his concerns, volunteer to modify the game rules, and point out that our group been playing for months without issues. No dice; the dude was a jackass with a chip on his shoulder. So we come to an impasse, staring at one another in silence.

Eventually, to break the silence, he asks about a stray bandage I have sticking out the top of my shirt. I’d had a small melanoma removed from my collarbone that week, which was caught as early as possible and removed without issue. Seizing the opportunity, I tell the principal “I have cancer”, and immediately walk out before he could formulate a response. Poor dude went white as a sheet. Good times.

Bit of a lame ending for the app, but building it taught me the skills I used to jump-start my career, and drove home the point that software isn’t an end unto itself — it’s the way people use it to come together that makes things great.

I made a D&D character creator for 3.5e/Forgotten Realms. Not just PCs but NPCs and encounters based on CR, too.

Coolest thing is hard… I’m a bit of a nerd, but let’s go from a few angles.

As a kid I had made and recreated a number of games on my TI-83+ and did some fun optimization challenges to get as much in the pure BASIC code as possible. I was working in an ARG into it. But all that code is lost because I didn’t know how to back up that stuff back then. (And I was a bit lazy even when I knew I should.)

I’m proud of how fun my Football mod for Binding of Isaac is. It’s just an item that give Isaac randomly bouncing projectiles, like how a football kind of sporadically bounces in real life. I meant to release a challenge where you get ipecac and football to start, and all explosion immunities are removed from the pool. With a short goal since I think that’s enough chaos.

But probably from a different angle PySpeedup and DriveLink are libraries I designed to improve code as invisibly to the end user as possible because I got tired of taking PhD coders’ code and making it actually work because they don’t understand swap space or scheduling. (I’ve worked with brilliant algorithms at times, but had to correct critical misunderstandings of the computer at times.) I haven’t touched the libraries in years, but a lot of time and research went into it, and there was a full test suite and documentation. I don’t think the idea is fully without merit yet as the multiprocessing in Python is better but still has oddities, and I don’t think there’s an RAM aware abstraction in the base language yet? I forget what state I left things in. I know the CI I was using doesn’t exist (for free users) anymore though.

Phone powered web server on solar more recently. Worked a lot easier than I thought it would.

A voting counter for 3 voting systems. It was a rewrite of a code I wrote some years prior, and the cool factor was to feel that the new version was trustworthy even before writing the tests.

I also made some specialized chatbots, good results.

Okay, so you know the trope in spy movies where the launch codes or the diamonds or whatever are at the end of a hallway full of lasers, and the protagonist has to do some cool flip moves (if male) or some slinky contortions (if female) to get around the lasers?

I made that as an arcade game with an Arduino. Some red laser pointer diodes, some photosensors, a few lights, bells and whistles, a fog machine, a few big ol buttons, and you’ve got spy laser hallway. It had a separate “break as many lasers as you can” mode as well, played like a combination of DDR and whack-a-mole.

The second coolest thing I ever programmed was probably the GPS MP3 player. A farmer wanted to add an automatic soundtrack to his Halloween hayride, like when the drove through the spooky graveyard it played ghost noises, it would play music for longer stretches on the road. I used a Raspberry Pi with a GPS HAT and wrote up a script in Python that would compare the actual position with a set of coordinates stored in a text file, and if one matched, it would play an associated mp3 file. The effect was kind of lost because the audio was coming from the vehicle itself, but it’s a hay ride, it’s supposed to be kind of lame. The bedsheet ghosts said woo as you drove past, I’m in the special effects industry, dad.

When Google Reader was alive, I wanted to improve its UI, so I wrote a userscript which completely replaced everything in the browser but still spoke to the Reader’s backend for data. When Reader was turned off, I only had to provide my own backend.

Back in late 1982 (i think it was), i was 16, I’d just convinced my folks to buy me a Commodore 64. It had a tape drive for storage, long before broard Internet access etc. I had magazines about programming in Assembler and programmed a couple games to play becase i didnt have access to, well, anything.

I still remember my bottom porky pig balloon shooter :)

SYS 64738 my dudes.

My next computer was an Amiga 1000, floppy and pirating in my local user group were a thing by then :)

a bot that shorts any coin mentioned by elon musk.

In the 2010s I had a Windows Phone which I thought was amazing. I bought the original Surface Pro too, because at the time I thought it was incredible. A full operating system in a tablet form factor that was incredibly fast and touch screen.

In the IT office I worked in, we had a dartboard. It was great for just stepping away from your desk if a problem had stumped you, throwing a few darts to take a break, and inevitably the answer would come to you. It was our rubber duck.

Trouble was, all of us were terrible at the basic maths involved with darts matches. So I thought, what if we mounted the Surface to the wall, and could just tap where the dart had hit, and get scores instantly.

So I wrote this darts score-keeping app that worked on everything from Windows Phones to tablets, and even an Xbox at one point, thanks to the way Microsoft had implemented their cross-device app deployment.

We used it every day in the office. I think in 10 years it’s sold about 3 copies.

Lovely Darts

Back in the day, I got the weird idea that it’d be handy to grab information from the XMMS music player as it was running. So I made an extension that basically dumped the information about the player state as text to a named pipe. A few people wrote scripts for their IRC clients and whatnot to tell others what they were listening.

(Back then, none of the GUI music players really had any kind of RPC capability. Nowadays, you can probably do this stuff easily with D-Bus or whatever.)

One time, late at night, I was just listening to music in bed with headphones, controlling XMMS via infrared remote controller (LIRC). A random cool track came up. I had no idea what it was actually called. I went “wouldn’t it be cool if I could hit a remote button and it’d say what song is currently playing?” …so I got up, got back to the computer, and wrote a script that reads the pipe, takes the artist and song title, and feeds it to Festival TTS, then added that to LIRC configuration.

Idk I haven’t written many but recently I made an integration for my sister’s startup that automated enrolling prospects from companies in an email campaign by sourcing different prospects name fields and LinkedIn accounts and finding their emails. It was good fun, and the user would get a prospecting email with all the details on the company and the role the person worked in at the company along with how long they worked at their company. I was calling it LeadFetch until my sister closed shop and told me my program was her IP. That still pisses me off cause I was gonna merge it to one of the sources we used after she called it quits and left me with no opportunities. She designed none of the back end but had the gall to say it was her app.

The code I wrote that I use most often is music playback in the Jellyfin Roku client.

I use it almost every day and think it’s pretty cool 🤘

Chhoto URL - It’s a simple URL shortener written in Rust.

I’ve written more programs, some of which are more useful in my daily life than this (e.g. movie-rename) but this is one that many seem to find interesting, and that’s kinda cool I guess. Also, I’m proud of some of my Lean code, but that stuff’s not published.